Like many people around the world, I am still trying to deal with what has been determined today with grim, inexorable certainty. As some people have feared, Donald Trump is elected as the next US president now, and it has already begun to show its hugely devastating effects around not only US but also the global country. Here is an unhinged guy who probably serves no one but himself, and we have no idea on what kind of mess he will inadvertently or willfully cause during the next 4 years while living in the White House.

After recklessly fueled by his desire for more money and power, he somehow gets the biggest social/political prize on the Earth in the end, and he will become far more dangerous than ever because he is full of wrong stuffs for his upcoming new job. With his rotten cronies eager to intoxicate themselves with that sweet smell of power, he will spread more bigotry, hatred, and oppression around his country, and he will destabilize the global community thanks to his sheer impertinent lack of empathy and knowledge. To be frank with you, I sincerely hope that he will always think about big, those shiny buildings of his if he is ever compelled to push nuclear missile buttons just because of a temporary pique. They are tasteless to say the least, but they are too huge to get destroyed, right?

The next year will be a lot more troubling for many people out there in US, and the Trump administration in the future has already revealed its virulent aspects. For example, his vice president Mike Pence is virtually the epitome of the loony conservatism against many progressive social matters including human rights and global climate, and he and Trump openly promised that they will nullify all the social/political achievements done during last 8 years – including Obamacare, of course.

Anyway, the sky does not fall yet after the news of Trump’s election, and life goes on as usual here, though people around me keep mentioning his name with considerable uneasiness. We all cannot believe what happened, and I could not help but feel fear and depression as watching America resorting to the worst sides of our human nature. It goes without saying that Hilary Clinton is a smart, competent, and experienced professional who has served the country for many years, but her country lets her down just because of trivial flaws which look a lot smaller compared to heaps of despicable aspects shown from her bullying competitor.

While the world outside is being trembled by the fearful uncertainty represented by Trump, my inconsequential life has been less eventful compared to that difficult time I went through a few weeks ago for coming out of the closet. I am still living with my parents in our family apartment, and they do not talk about my homosexuality while hoping for a ‘change’. I am also taking a driving lesson, and I turned out to be pretty clumsy to my instructor’s frustration. The paper based on my Ph.D thesis might be published around the next year, and another paper will be published around that time if I complete a certain experiment within this year.

As my country and people are being shaken more and more by an unprecedented scandal involved with our pathetic, incompetent president who turns out to have been under the influence of the greedy daughter of a cult leader, I wish more to get out of my country for my life and career, but I am also disturbed by the prospect of the Trump administration as well as several equally alarming signs of nationalism and fascism around the world. As many of my friends worried, is this just the first step toward our inevitable doom?

Many ordinary people in US are rightfully terrified of Trump and what he represents, and all I can say to them for now is that I also worry a lot about this increasingly scary situation. As an Asian gay man saddled with Asperger’s syndrome and depression problem, I know I can be very vulnerable to the surrounding environment, and that is why I will think twice about moving to US – or attending a certain film festival founded by my late dear friend Roger Ebert (I am too depressed to mention its name, sorry).

While thinking about these daunting things, I felt quite numb, but I got good advices from YA fantasy writer L.D. Lapinski and my fellow movie critic friend Michael Mirasol. Lapinski’s helpful twits recommended me to stop the online activity for a while and then take care of myself while concentrating on something else – and that is why I am now focusing on this writing. Michael’s twit mentioned his activist friend who chose to move on for another day to come because he would go insane if he did not, and I guess Michael is probably sticking to that persistent mindset right now – and so am I at this point.

Here is what I am going to do. I will sleep after taking my medication as I do in these days. I will wake up in the next morning as usual. I will work in my laboratory as before. I will pass the driving lesson test probably around the last week of this month. I will give my parents a guidebook for parents of sexual minorities for helping them. I will try to go further for my life and career while enjoying books and movies because, well, I think time feels shorter than ever. And I will not succumb to anger and despair while always reminding myself of the importance of compassion and kindness. Things may be irrevocably falling apart and our world may be destined to be turned into the one shown in “Children of Men” (2006), but I only hope that I can retain my humanity even when I and others are doomed.

Am I worrying too much? Well, we will see, as we keep moving on during next several years to come.